12 months Alcohol-Free and the 12 Insights I have Learned
The first 10 days were HARD.
When I decided to take a 30-day reprieve from alcohol I thought it would be pretty easy. I had taken breaks before, one as long as 15 months back in 2016/17. This time felt different. Although I didn’t know it at the time I was approaching it way differently. I said to myself if I felt like drinking I would and if I didn’t want to drink I wouldn’t. On day 3 I had an event at a bowling alley and I made the choice to start with a big glass of water. If I wanted a drink after then I would. I didn’t take that drink. Looking back I know that was a pivotal moment. I had overcome one of many day-to-day activities that I would face in the coming year and it gave me momentum. I was emotionally all over the place some of it had to do with electing not to drink, some of it was the pandemic. I was asking myself questions like...if it’s not that easy to quit, do I have a problem? What will people think of me and my choices? Why is alcohol everywhere in our society? If quitting alcohol were easy lots of people would do it. Ultimately, I decided that the rebel in me liked the fact that I would be part of a small percentage (13% to be exact) that choose not to drink in the United States.I thought I would lose weight because I decided to take a break from drinking and would naturally be consuming fewer calories - NOPE - had to shift gears and take different action.
This is a VERY common belief and for some weight loss happens but for most, it doesn’t. WHY? Because the calories we are saving from alcohol are likely being made up for elsewhere like dessert or more chips or just more calories in general. The thought process I experienced was...well I’m not drinking so I can reward myself with _____ fill in the blank. After 9 months of being alcohol-free and feeling much more solid in my journey I shifted gears to what I’ve spent almost 20 years learning about...fitness and nutrition. I knew what to do, I just had to do it! So, I set a fitness goal (no Ironman this time)...and set my sights on my very first bodybuilding show in the spring of 2022. I began tracking everything I put into my mouth, changed my workout routine (lift 5 days per week, 20 minutes of cardio 6 days a week, yoga 1 day per week, 1 off day per week). I’m down 12 pounds and 20 inches. I meal prep 2 times per week and eat every 2-2.5 hours. I am hungry at times, but I drink a bunch of water and I feel better. This goal requires a whole new level of discipline that the Ironman didn’t. I could eat whatever I wanted back then (at least that is how I rewarded myself)! AND...I have noticed that when I’m stressed I think about eating junk food...so I know the weight gain was partly due to coping with food.My anxiety slowly melted away over the first 3 months.
If you are like me and have anxiety and you still drink I’m here to tell you that you are pouring gasoline on your anxiety with drinking. Alcohol is a classified drug but socially acceptable. It affects the brain in ways I didn’t understand until I did research over the past 12 months. Dopamine, dynorphin, and cortisol are the main chemicals deployed by the brain when drinking and it might feel great for the first 20 minutes (thanks dopamine!) but the dynorphin then comes to the party and stays around WAY longer which causes anxiety, heightened heart rate, shaky hands, sweating, etc. When I quit drinking the anxiety melted away. That alone was worth the price of admission. I HATE having anxiety!I had WAY more free time.
It was amazing to experience how much more time I had when electing to remove alcohol from my lifestyle. I decided to use that time to focus on a couple of key areas: my overall fitness and nutrition and my personal development. I started by setting goals for myself such as daily meditation, gratitude journaling, exercise, tracking what I ate, reading for pleasure AND for growth opportunities, and finally enrolling in certification to help others achieve their own lifestyle goals. The certification I choose is from This Naked Mind Institute with an emphasis on alcohol reduction or removal. It was a six-month commitment along with the expectation of launching my own lifestyle coaching business. This is when Mindfulness Elevated was born. I launched the business in May of 2021, which fulfilled my lifelong goal of becoming an entrepreneur.Telling people you are electing not to drink is an interesting experience.
This one may sound easy enough, but trust me when you tell someone you are not drinking you get one of two reactions: Reaction #1 - good for you! That’s fantastic! Reaction #2: The person you are talking to looks at you like your eyeballs have rearranged themselves on your face and are suddenly afraid of me. This will forever confuse me. No one cares if you are meat-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, peanut-free, smoke-free, Jesus-free, soy-free, grain-free, nut-free, ____ free BUT the second you mention alcohol all bets are off! It’s sad, frustrating, and short-sighted but I completely understand that this is an indicator of their own self-consciousness and it’s being projected onto me. I am extremely at peace with my choices and my life and the vast majority of people have been in the Reaction #1 group!Navigating social gatherings is something I had to prepare for (think all major holidays, family reunions, weddings, work events, networking, birthdays, anniversaries, sporting events…).
Literally, every gathering these days has alcohol. And that’s ok. The key for me was being mentally and physically prepared meaning going in with a plan and bring my own drinks if I didn’t want to have just water. I was prepared in the sense of knowing what I would say if someone would offer me a drink. We assume that when someone offers a drink it means alcohol but a drink can be ANYTHING! I discovered some great NA alternatives with Heinkekin 0.0 and Athletica Brewing Craft Beers. I also found that I didn’t want to stick around nearly as long as I did in my drinking days, so having an exit strategy is a good tip!Traveling is a whole other beast!
I have traveled a fair amount in the last year. I’ve been to Florida a few times to visit my family and vacation. I’ve traveled for work as well - to Las Vegas and Miami. I found that family travel was easy. Everyone knows I’m electing not to drink and are very supportive. The work trips were the areas I needed to ensure I had my intentions and goals set. Ultimately, I found that if I planned accordingly I am successful! I wrote an entire blog on my trip to sin city so I won’t dive into too many details but I have learned that I LOVE coming home feeling refreshed and not hungover and depleted.I have been unfriended on social media, in real life, and uninvited to events because I have been outspoken about my journey in order to help others. I have also made lots of new friends who have similar goals and lifestyles.
This is definitely connected to #5 on this list of learnings. I’ve been curious for many years about what it would be like to live alcohol-free, caffeine-free, dial in my nutrition, reduce the amount of trash tv, etc. When others have posted up on social media over the years I was always the type of woman to cheer them on. It’s so cool to read and see those transformation stories and how my friends and acquaintances have improved their lives. I’m a little naive on this front because I thought that most people would be happy for me. And coming out on social media is hard because I knew I would be judged but I was optimistic that most would be supportive. Yes, I have been unfriended on social media and in real life because of my lifestyle upgrade and it does hurt. HOWEVER, I have also learned that this isn’t my issue, it’s the other person’s. I don’t care what is in someone else’s cup at a dinner or a party or wherever. This change was about ME and my goals and how I felt.
I have also surrounded myself with new friends all over the US, Canada, Australia, Germany, and France thanks to technology. There are so many great groups you can join if you are curious about this lifestyle. Here is a shortlist of Facebook groups: This Naked Mind, We Are the Luckiest. The Unexpected Joy, Sober Mom Squad. There are also other programs that aren’t on FB but are good resources online such as Sober Sis and Tempest.
I am grateful for those who have been supportive and encouraging and even reached out to ask questions. I’m happy to help!I don’t mind being others who choose to drink. On the 4th of July, I was the only one who didn’t drink and had THE BEST TIME! My face hurt from laughing so much.
My husband LOVES the 4th of July! He wanted to host a party for our family, friends, and the entire neighborhood. So we did. It wasn’t until the days leading up to the party that I noticed the invite was for 14 hours...literally all day and into the night! I did question Josh on his timeline but in the end, it was too close to change the schedule. I found that I enjoyed chatting with all the cool peeps that came to enjoy the holiday. As the day went on I busied myself with refilling food, cleaning up, and checking on the kids. There were a lot of festivities and there were some that definitely celebrated and I had the best time. We laughed until we cried. The best part was getting up the next day and not feeling like complete dog shit. I cleaned up the fireworks, cans, yard games, and chairs. My point is this...I don’t care what is in your cup. I’m not judging anyone’s drink/drinking choices. Trust me...I have quite the drinking resume. You know what they say...those in glass houses….I began to drop other lifestyle habits that didn’t serve me. It was organic. Things like no more TV news, removing caffeine, removing anti-anxiety medication, not drinking soda anymore, reduced sugar intake to only natural sources (ie. fruit)
As I began to settle into living alcohol-free I organically started looking at other aspects of my life and asking myself the question….what is no longer serving me? You can see from the list above what I have removed from my lifestyle. I have also added a lot of positives such as reading personal growth books, a consistent exercise schedule, prioritizing nutrition, increasing water intake, evaluating where and who I spend my time with. Now, I’m here to say I’m not some chill, peace-loving, zen flower child. I still have my moments of frustration, agitation, irritation, anger, etc. But I learned that whatever I am feeling is OK! It isn’t bad to have any emotions. I gave myself permission to feel all the good, bad, and ugly!I worked on my thoughts and beliefs surrounding alcohol, caffeine, sugar, etc.
This is a big one and perhaps one of a few silver bullets if this is one of your lifestyle goals. When I elected to stop drinking I knew it would be challenging (at times) and it has been. During my certification process, I learned a tremendous amount about the brain, habits, the subconscious, and how our environment determines our beliefs on all topics. Challenging and reframing those beliefs is the key to changing habits and thought processes. I’ll try to refrain from too much science but it is fascinating. The brain and body are so powerful and truly can do so much more than we access on a day-to-day basis. Coaches need coaches. I have had the pleasure of working with a handful of amazing coaches on my journey to help me achieve the level of freedom I’m experiencing now. With that freedom comes peace of mind, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-value.I like being with myself. I don’t need a packed social calendar to feel fulfilled. I’m at peace and happier than ever. I found complete freedom!
I’ll let #12 speak for itself. I’m happy with my lifestyle choices. I’m a better wife, mom, daughter, friend, boss, entrepreneur, coach, aunt, daughter-in-law, employee, cat and dog lover, goofball….you get the point! This was one of the best decisions I’ve made during the pandemic and it will pay dividends well into the future.
